Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Average Day.

This is what my average day looks like (in terms of medicine), with where I'm at right now in our cycle.

Wake Up
Take 2 Prenatals - 900mg of folic acid
Eat (because the metformin and doxycycline make me miserably nauseous)
Take 1 Metformin
Take 1 Doxycycline (even my husband has to take doxy!)
Take 1 Estrogen (vaginally)
Take 1 Progesterone (vaginally)

Around lunch time, eat again, but this time i can eat something lighter since i'm not taking Doxy.
Take 1 Metformin
Take 1 Estrogen
Take 1 Progesterone

Around dinner time, eat again - a heavier meal to avoid being sick in my stomach.
Take 1 Metformin
Take 1 Doxycycline
Take 1 Estrogen (vaginally)
Take 1 Progesterone (vaginally)

and i try not to exceed 25g of sugar a day. woof.

So at the end of the day, i've taken 2 prenatals, 6 pills and have shot shit up in my vagina 6 times a day. It's not pretty. The progesterone isn't pretty. Those things leak and require panty liners. I got my period when i was 10 years old, I'm now 25 and im wearing panty liners for the first time. NOT pleasant.
This isn't including the letrozole, the injections, taking my temperature, peeing on OPK's or driving to the doctors for ultra sounds (which i've done more than twice in one day).

& because I'm in my 2 week wait - i question everything. I want to take a bath... but do i really want to take that bath? I want a sandwhich... but should i really eat that deli meat? Friend has a party bus, but i really should avoid alcohol. Not that these things could or couldnt throw off our entire process, but if it doesnt work and AF shows up instead of a positive pregnancy test - i feel better knowing that i did everything i could instead of guilting myself with thoughts like "FUCK. What if i didnt have that beer?" or what have you.

Days like these, i'm extra thankful for my chance to be a stay at home wife.
It could be harder, but it could be a whole hell of a lot easier.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Catch Up.

Lets be real, the main purpose of this blog? To talk about "trying to conceive", better known as TTC. I need to release my thoughts, dreams, frustrations, sadness and hope in an outlet other than twitter and instagram. I also want to be able to show our little one how much we wanted them here, and all of our efforts for little baby to be a part of our family. Oh how mommy and daddy long for you!
&& because i am blessed enough to be a stay at home wife, i assure you there will be some goodies in here too! A place to share my shopping obsession, recipes, crafts and pictures of my not so darling puppies. (I suppose since they're a year old, they can fit in to the dog category, no?)

Rewind.

I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 2007. For that, i had a laparoscopy. I was also told to start lupron, a drug that forces menopause. Until my dad went ape shit and refused to let his 19 year old daughter experience 40+ year old menopause. Thanks Daddy!

Fast Forward.

After not seeing AF and instead seeing negative HPT after negative HPT for 11 months - it was time to pay a visit to the doctor.

Cue diagnosis in February of 2011: PCOS.

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Severely. I {continue} to experience every symptom in the book - from clumps of my hair falling out, being tired all day long, to my midsection getting larger and larger by the month regardless of my efforts to stop that. Of course getting fat doesn't mean i'm pregnant, it means my body can't break down sugars and it all just sits right. there. 

In another note, having PCOS means my ovaries are surrounded by cysts. Think of it as bubble wrap or a string of pearls if you will. aka: sperm wont reach egg, egg has no where to go once released. And this wont go away. I can take medicine in hopes to shrink my cysts, but i will have them forever. In February, that's what happened. We attempted to start shrinking those ugly things and i was put on a medicine called Metformin. :gag: (Cue more weight gain and hot flashes)

We have now {officially} been TTC since May 2011. You read that right, we're heading in to our 17th month of defeat, frustration and failures.
So this time, we're doing it different. We're getting help, more help. (because the metformin and pre-seed in the past clearly weren't cutting it). I have just finished up my first medicated cycle. Which looks like this:
September - birth control. (this was also the month that we took our honeymoon. a honeymoon on birthcontrol. COOL.)
October - AF came the 15th, marking that my CD1. Husband and i had a class scheduled with our fertility clinic to take 2 classes, 1 on letrozole and 1 on the hcg trigger shot. Since i was on CD2 during our visit, we were able to jump in right away without waiting for another cycle to begin. Yay! So CD2 i had an ultrasound giving us the go. CD3 i started letrozole and was to be on that for 10 days. I took letrozole twice a day in hopes that it would stimulate my follicles to grow grow grow! Our hope was to get "mature" follicles, which is at least 15mm. I had another ultrasound on CD10 along with an HSG. That day, my ovaries had failed me again. I had two follicles, one at 10mm and one at 8mm - all the others were too small for measurement. Not mature enough to proceed. However, my HSG in the afternoon went well - i was so terrified for the procedure that i think it helped. Psyched myself out if you will. Our Dr got the catheter in and the dye went through - showing us that my tubes are open. So we went ahead with the plans to try another ultrasound on CD12. FINALLY. I had a mature follicle! But only one =/ I was starting to be defeated until husband reminded me that all it takes is one! Dr. C informed me to go ahead with our plan, and give myself the hcg trigger shot on Sunday, CD14. I was hoping that maybe my follie was able to grow a bit more! I couldn't wait. I was anxious all weekend, and afraid. Anxious to move forward, afraid that i might ovulate on my own and miss our window. Sunday night came and husband helped me by so kindly getting the alcohol swab ready and cleaning off my injection spot. I opened the syringe, capped off the needle, got rid of the air & bubbles and in it went. EASY PEASY. {Thank you Lord} - We've been following our instructions since then, which come with strict rules down to the minute of when to BD.

And now i wait! the lovely dreaded two.week.wait

Questions? Dont be afraid to ask. I'm not shy, ever. And i AM an open book. In this blog, i'm going to be fully honest. Which means yes, i'll include every detail and information of TMI that i please. There have been a few forums of ladies who are TTC, theyre all so kind & helpful. During this chapter of life, it gets very easy to feel alone & isolated. I wish that our journey and that this blog, can maybe help someone else!