Monday, January 14, 2013

the 1st trimester: in review.

it may be your dream to be a CEO of a big time company, own your own business of some sort, become a professional athlete, move away.. what have you. but its always been my dream to become a mother. more so, to experience pregnancy.

1. november: thats when it all began. since we wrapped up october with our injection, we were waiting in limbo during the part that all those who try to conceive hate. almost as much as seeing aunt flo or the big fat negative: the two week wait. the 4th: i received an anonymous gift card in the mail to juut for $250, so i decided to go from blonde to brunette. i really have no reason other than i was desperately seeking longer, healthier hair. i had already changed my shampoos, tried different drying & brushing methods and been on prenatals for months. why wasnt my hair getting better?! maybe because i was still processing it every 2 months or so putting blonde. on blonde. on blonde. yikes. i had thought nothing about being pregnant, because aside from trying NOT to symptom spot, i was feeling no symptoms. so brown hair it is! & after my hair appointment, i had a mad craving for some saucy, cheesy cold pasta. i walked my butt right into byerlys and came home with an entire pound. {i didnt think of that part until just yesterday. though it was so so early, i declare that my first symtpom/change} the 6th: we voted! OBAMA wins! we also went shopping that night, and while i was in the Gap dressing room waiting for my husband to return with a new size of jeans, i stared at myself in the mirror. i thought to myself "i feel like a mom. i look different. i feel like i look like a mom" and when isaiah returned, i shared this news with him. interesting. again, we thought nothing of it. but ill never forget that moment and how i felt. it was surreal. the 7th: i tested. WHY? who knows. big. fat. negative. the 8th: i tested again. WHY? because thats how those TTC torture themselves, obviously. cue stark white test and a night of me breaking down as we drove to granite city to meet friends for dinner. the 9th: i didnt test. i wasnt going to anymore. i was surely positive that i was NOT pregnant and wasnt going to be. ever. the 10th: during the middle of the night, i had an experience that felt like i pissed the entire bed. i woke up, and tested. (i later realized that i in fact did not piss the bed at the age of 25, but rather it was just the progesterone that leaked out of my body vagina. ew) the test was negative, and husband wasnt yet home from the gym, so i put the test inside its wrapper and neatly placed it in the garbage so that he wouldnt see it and think ive literally gone off the deep end - and i hopped in the shower. for SOME ODD REASON, i felt inclined to pull the test out of the garbage when i got out of the shower. and there it was!!!! MY FIRST FAINT LINE!!! not one line like i had seen time and time again, but this time that one line had a friend, ANOTHER LINE!

in the dressing room. my first picture of my dark hair, when i had that feeling in that moment.

i had to make this picture extra large, because i wasnt kidding when i said the line was there, but faint.

the top is the very first test. 10dpo. the second, was the same day after a 4 hr hold. 
tests 3,4 and 5 were taken at 11dpo. the FRER at 12dpo. i took a digi at 13dpo & got in to the dr at 14dpo!

i continued to pee on sticks. over 20 of them. and i've kept each & every one. when i got in to the dr at 14dpo, my HCG beta level was at 238. i went in again at 16dpo to make sure that they would rise by at least 80%, hopefully doubling to ensure a strong implantation and good start to our pregnancy. at 16dpo, the doctor called with my results and my HCG beta level was 612. more than double! WOO!

so this is it. my dream come true. i AM pregnant.

2. heartbeats: i was beginning to think that this pregnancy was ectopic. over the thanksgiving weekend my cramping was getting stronger and more consistent so i called our fertility doctor and they got me in. reminding me a million times, that since i am so early, we would not see a heartbeat, much less anything else than the sac. i was also told that if its an ectopic pregnancy, the baby usually doesnt cause any pain at that time because its still too small to bother the tube. 5w5d: our first time seeing the babe, and our first time seeing the heartbeat. it measured at 118bpm. gosh. the heart consumed its entire body then, and it was just a wee little thing. bumpbumpbump. 8w4d: my pain hadnt left, so i wanted to check it out again, assuming that if it was indeed ectopic, 8 weeks is definitely enough time to cause pain. our second time seeing the babe and being able to hear the heartbeat. unreal. isaiah asked the ultrasound tech three times if he could hear it again and again. 174bpm. 11w: are you noticing a trend yet? im obviously a worried mama here. i had felt super eery and strange the last week and wanted to know everything was okay. i didnt have pain. i didnt have spotting. i was just going crazy. it was literally to the point that i was so wrapped up with this gut feeling of fear and worry, that i couldnt focus on anything else. sure i had my 12w check up in a week where we were going to meet our actual OB, but to wait a week? i couldnt sit through a tv show, i couldnt have a normal conversation with my husband, notta. i was so wrapped up in paranoia, that we went in for another ultrasound. this was over the holidays so we didnt get in with our doctor but went in to an elective ultrasound company. let me tell you, what a difference from the last ultrasound to this one. we can identify baby as baby! amaze balls. and once i heard the heartbeat of 171bpm, that was all i needed. 12w: time to meet our new OB! he was 40 minutes late. i almost left to get mcdonalds. dont you know pregnant women need to eat food?!! i didnt eat at home. i literally rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, put on yogas and a bra and went out the door. another thing pregnant people need? sleep. and its rare. so i wasnt waking up an extra half hour early to eat. i also didnt know our doctor was going to be running late as ever either.{annoying} Dr. W came in and we did the usual chatting, symptoms, meds, scans etc etc. then it was time to hear the heartbeat on the doppler. woo! (that doesnt deserve a "WOO!" because it was only a doppler, no ultrasound. le sigh) as i mentioned before in the last blog post, HE COULDNT FIND THE HEARTBEAT! Dr. W was moving the doppler around and around and around. i kept intently watching his face for any signs of distress or nervousness wondering ok, seriously, whats next? if he doesnt find it do we go to the ultrasound tech? what if someone is in there for an appointment? do we go to the ER? what what what! i closed my eyes and prayed. when i opened them, he asked if i had a tilted uterus. "i dont know" i told him. why dont i know? ive had a million ultrasounds, procedures and surgeries down down there. how has no one noticed or told me!? he must have assumed i have a tilted uterus, and maybe i do. he turned the doppler off and handed it to me to hold. after he put on some gloves and gave me the "scoot down" & "itll be cold" warnings, in were his fingers and before i knew it he was pushing my uterus & told me to turn on the doppler. finally. there you are baby. a heartbeat of 172bpm. {dont do that to mommy & daddy again!}

5w5d. 118bpm

8w4d. 174bpm.

11w. 171bpm.

3. cravings: i have to say that my cravings have not been consistent. there hasnt been a certain thing thats lasted through the past 12-13 weeks. the week before i found out i was pregnant (so like, week 3?) up until week 6, i LOVED a good salad. if you know me, you know that before this time, i would have literally given you $1,000 before id eat a piece of lettuce. i loved oranges for a while. i ate 9 in one day. i ate a lot of egg & cheese bagels in the morning. near the end though, its been cereal. delicious. i wanted mashed potatoes, a lot. i think because what i really wanted was the gravy. i loved milk before and im glad to say i still love milk. i would never refuse subway. toasted turkey because pregnant women arent supposed to eat deli meat. however the hot turkey made me gag so id put it in the fridge until it got cold again and eat it to my liking. for not being a huge pop drinker before, i really miss dr pepper and crave pop. so from time to time we get the small cute teeny cans of A&W. juice is bluch and water gets boring. more so, ive been eating italian things. mozzarella and marinara. cheese sticks, pizza and a thousand pizza rolls. the first craving that i actually NEEDED in that moment, right now in that instant or the world is going to end, was mcdonalds chicken nuggets. seriously? i havent had mcdonalds in YEARS but i would give my left arm for some nuggets. and probably my right arm too. i havent ate any nuggets since that night, but i have had cravings for mcdonalds cheeseburgers. so weird. the one thing that i used to love, was leann chin. since being pregnant? na ah. no way jose.

4. symptoms: i did have early on cramping, turns out it was the corpus luteum, a cyst on my right side in which the egg came from. i was tired a lot. but i always am. my entire life ive been able to sleep sleep sleep, so this was nothing new to me. excessive peeing. yes, that. however it seemed my day time pees were normal. it was the every hour night time pee that never used to happen. i didnt become emotional. except before i knew i was pregnant and had breakdowns about never getting pregnant. i made it without crying during tv shows, movies or online articles. ive never had a bloody nose in my life, but now my boogies are almost bloody if i blow my nose. weird much? during week 9, i had my first headache. im still having those about once a week. i had the usual cravings. certain sense of smells have always bothered me, but none made me sick. i didnt puke often. i first didnt puke until 8 weeks. that was orange juice. & then some koolaid. so i was just done with the juice for a while. then at 10 weeks, my puking began like clock work. somewhere between 11pm & midnight. it didnt matter if i was still awake, eating or not eating, ate an hour before or 5 hours before. didnt matter if i took my prenatals in the morning, or at night. as soon as isaiah and i turned off the tv & gave our kisses goodnight, id roll over and then the feeling would come on. isaiah would hop out of the bed, turn on the bathroom light and id throw up. 5 minutes later, all is done and im able to sleep :) ive never been so thankful to have a bathroom in our bedroom. eventually, the puking happened at exactly 11:05pm. cheetos, mini corn dogs, prenatals, but usually just water & fluids. now i gag when i brush my teeth too. i never felt nausea. i think thats pretty fucking awesome. AND, it stopped just before week 12! thank you baby, for being so good to mommy. except that one time you were moving around & we couldnt find your heart beat.

5. weight: i started to watch my weight because of the PCOS so we bought a scale for our bathroom and i would weigh myself about once a week after the shower to check in. i got weighed at all of our appointments with the fertility Dr and again at our 5w5d appointment. so i knew what i was weighing here. as i continued to watch my weight, i noticed i wasnt going up and thought our home scale was broken. but it was going down and working for my husband? hmmm. not that youre supposed to gain a ridiculous amount during your first trimester or anything. at our 12w check up i was weighed at that doctors office as well. weight gain then from my "educators appointment" at 7 weeks, 1 pound! all those cheeseburgers and i only gained ONE POUND! holla. but i promise you, it wont be lookin that pretty the next two trimesters.

6. what i miss: i really wish someone would have told me how soon you have to stop sleeping on your stomach and i really wish someone told me how soon you can grow out of your clothes. i know that its different for everyone, but for me - the sleeping on my stomach happened quick. and so did bye-bye regular clothes. id say week 6 is when both happened. wearing my jeans or regular leggings were still possible, but after about 2 hours id be in pain and begging to be naked. sleeping on my belly caused pain and discomfort then too. i didnt take a bath for the first 8w, but then i really missed those so i gave in. i also miss jimmy johns. a whole hell of a lot. my husband says we will order jimmy johns from the hospital as soon as baby comes out. i think he's pretty rad.

7. what i could do without: the prenatals. and the sciatica pain. ive been taking prenatals long before we were pregnant, as one of those crazy things TTCers do to try and prepare their body or help increase chances.. but just now, at 12w. i hate them. they make me gag and it takes me about 10 minutes to eat 1 damn little gummy. i tried the pills, but that was even more of a fail. so ill stick with these gummies and hope that they wont bother me for the 6 months i have to go. (and i can take the gummies. all my levels are great, so no worries from me or the doc!) and the sciatica? well, some people have to hug the toilet all day. i guess i have to stay in bed all day. its worth it but it sure as hell sucks. i feel most bad for keeping my husband awake and needing him so badly. hes had to carry me from the car in to the house, and from our bed to the toilet so i could pee. i havent been to the ER yet, but thats because i refuse. isaiah will say, lets go. were going to the hospital and ill begin to cry harder. ive never left that place with anything solved. and you cant solve sciatica. so i rather be stiff and in pain in the comfort of my own bed than a loud noisy place. you could say i may prefer praying to the porcelain gods vs being on bed rest, but you never know. it could always be worse! 

8. travels: baby put a bump in a few of our travels. we originally were planning a trip in April to visit my family in Germany, but i rather not go across country at 24+w pregnant. so we cancelled that, but are now hoping to go in October! we wont book it until baby is born and we know more about how baby is doing and babes personality, but i really hope it works out. i think my mom, isaiah and i can tackle that. my parents first flew with me from Germany to here when i was 3 months old. we are also supposed to go to Atlanta at the end of April for a great aunts 90th birthday, but i'm not sure how i feel about that either. mainly because i dont know the staying arrangements? and im not staying in a hotel room with MIL or sleeping on a floor at 28w. every year in july, we travel to Milwaukee (5 hours by car) for husbands annual conference with his work company. were there for a week, huge concert, 4,000+ employees, speakers, dinners, nights out - the whole shabang. well this year we wont be going because little baby G is due day 2 of the conference! which means poor little babe will be spending quite a few birthdays in Milwaukee. our friends are getting married August 3rd and i estimate the babe to be about a week old or so. dunno what we'll do for that! isaiah also earned a 5 day trip to california August 10th through work, and im afraid we wont be able to go to that since baby will be about 2 weeks old. but for now, were going to chicago at the end of this month for isaiahs central work conference, were planning on Germany in October, and a cruise in Feb of 2014. i cant wait for family vacations. oh! and we booked a babymoon! were going to Florida next month for a week :)

Randoms: i've had 7 massages in the last 6 weeks. my first prenatal massage was at 6 weeks preggo. isaiah loves pinterest and has dedicated his secret boards to baby. hes on a mission to not gain weight with me so hes been working out more and resisting the urge to eat whatever craving i must eat. i plan to breastfeed. i just got the OK to swim and exercise lightly, i really wanna get into a pool! im also obsessed with a place called blooma, and im dying to sign up. they do a million things for prenatal yoga, have mom groups, breast feeding panels and even bring your baby to yoga classes! we bought baby wise along with happiest baby on the block. i finished reading happiest baby, now its husbands turn. baby wise is boring. every day i kneel down, look at my dogs and say "say hi to baby!" and they both will come running over to sniff my belly. i signed up for an online pregnancy conference too. its all day this thursday and friday, ways to empower your pregnancy! 

i am so happy to be living my dream. its perfect! 
bring it on, trimester 2! up next: our NT scan, on wednesday! i am nervous. but seriously excited to see babe again. it seems that i turn psycho mom about every 3 weeks so this is happening right on time. 


  1. This is so exciting!! Your dream is coming true. :) "i feel like a mom. i look different. i feel like i look like a mom" This part gave me chills!! And the fact that you randomly decided to take your pregnancy test back out of the wrapper to check it again. Can't wait to follow along on your journey!

  2. Enjoyed reading that! I was just telling my DH last night that I can just feel the baby. Only 5W, but you can just tell! Can totally relate on that one! :) I've been "craving" water. And it's not necessarily water, I'm just ridiculously unusally thirsty, which makes me pee SO MUCH!

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  4. How exciting! Congratulations to you, and enjoy your "honeymoon" trimester!