Sunday, March 31, 2013

what. a. weekend.

i'm exhausted. physically. and mentally.

{weekend shenanigans}

friday: hubby got home just after 4pm. seriously, amazing. that is something that never happens & since the sun was still shining, i felt like it was even earlier and that we had the whole night ahead of us! im lucky if i get isaiah home from work by 6:30. that also doesnt happen very often. so we made the most of the sunshine weather & quickly left the house. our night consisted of home goods & dinner at granite city. yum yum yum. by far my favorite place to eat!! home goods had 5 aisles of girl things and 1 aisle of boy things. are we surprised? no. but we kept wandering and ended up coming home with a table that we'll use in the nursery as a nightstand - and a floor to ceiling mirror that i'm thinking i want to hang on the wall vertically to be equal with the crib. if that makes sense? how much fun will little man have staring at himself in the mirror?! ... hopefully not too much. & we of course arent sure how the mirror will fit, or look - but there are plenty of places in the house for a long wall mirror! i want to go back to home goods right meow.

saturday: isaiah and i woke up early to head to redwing for our friends daughters 1st birthday party! sweet sloane turned 1 and it was so good to see tyler & hilary. i dont know how i DIDNT get pictures of the day so you'll just have to trust me when i say shes one of the cutest girls ever. unfortunately, i checked my phone at the end of the party as we were ready to head back home & saw some text messages from my dad that seemed pretty urgent, along with a few missed calls from my cousin. so i called my dad back (who was up north visiting my grandma and grandpa for easter) and got some bad news. grandpa is not doing well. again. :( needless to say, i crashed sloanes birthday party with my tears. please forgive me sloaney! after the party, we made plans to have easter dinner at isaiahs mom with his grandma, aunt, uncle & cousin so that we could get up sunday to go see my grandpa. spent about 4.5 hours in the car. too much.

{some short background history on grandpa, aka: my crapa} christmas eve 2000 we were opening presents and noticed he wasnt feeling well. things got worse, and we ended up taking grandpa to the ER. from there he was immediately admitted and we found out he had cancer. my crapa has cancer. hodgkins lymphoma. thirteen years later, this man is still fighting. he is so stubborn. but so special. my best friend, and definitely my hero. my twin and other pea in the pod. my grandpa and i are very very very close, despite the 2.5 hour car ride between us. he's had a variety of cancers and lots of chemo. in 2004, he had his kidney taken out. his current kidney is only functioning at 20%. :( last year in May, things got scary and we were told grandpa wasnt going to make it much longer. something we've definitely heard before, but it never gets easier. my bridal shower was also in May and we kept stressing over what if grandpa goes & everyone is sad. but grandpa didnt go! he underwent more chemo and kept on keepin on. then it got bad again. and we were told he wouldnt be around for my wedding. {8.11.12}. i grew up with it being my dream to have my grandpa walk me down the aisle. my wedding day came, and crapa had just finished chemo. he was too weak to walk me down the aisle, but he was at the end sitting front row waiting for me :) (my dad walked me down, hes my other best friend. hehe) but here we are again. at another battle. another fight. for the last 5 months or so, crapa has been getting blood transfusions every monday. they've been keeping him alive & its been a miracle. a few mondays ago, results were bad so 2 mondays ago he got three blood transfusions. the most hes had yet. last monday, the results were the worst yet, showing that the three transfusions were no longer helping. 

sunday: isaiah and i woke up early, to make the 2.5 hour drive up north. we got to the hospital and found crapa's room to walk in as he was resting. within a few minutes he woke up to see us. i was so glad. its painful to hear him tell us that this is the end. says he'll be going to hospice from the hospital and not sure if he'll be around for his 85th birthday in two weeks. he had a blood transfusion at 4pm, and we'll see what those results say tomorrow. although, all in all, there arent any other options or sources to help him fight. its been a long road. and im so proud of him. 13 years of fighting. but i cant help but want him to keep fighting. to have more time. to meet his great grandson. it was a long drive home. tho we've heard bad news over and over and grandpa has been in the hospital often, this is the first time ive seen my dad and grandma cry.
once we were home, isaiah and i got all the primer on the four walls of the nursery. im no longer a fan of painting.
or spending easters in the hospital.
or being in the car for 9 hours the last two days.
we have to put the colors on the wall now, which my dad will be helping us with because he just repainted his house and it looks great. when that'll be, i have no idea. i expect the next few weekends will consist of driving up to the hospital or hospice home, providing what may happen during the week.  im terrified for that day.

i must go to sleep. for when this mama wakes, she'll be turning 26 years old. and hitting 24 weeks of pregnancy. VIABILITY!

im praying for you crapa. keep on keepin on my hero. xxo

^^ for his heart & pacemaker surgery

^^ 8.11.12

^^ 3.1.13. a picture of two miracles.

<3 <3 <3

no pictures with crapa today as he was in the hospital bed with his gown. but i did end up getting a sneaky one. hospital gown and crazy hair :) i still love him.

but one picture from today.

^^ 23w6d

happy easter my little egg <3

Happy Easter!

Friday, March 29, 2013

photo dump : dating life

remember how i told you all that isaiah and i LOVE to take pictures? i thought that maybe i'd give you a little insight on just how much i really mean that. {a little peek into our lives}

today is your lucky day. are you feeling lucky?! hahahahahah. only kidding. but really. no words for ya'll today. this mama is LA-ZAY. and getting ready to get my shop on at home goods. lots to do for easter weekend! but shopping happens first.

alas, here are some pictures isaiah and i had done in May 2011. we had only been "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend since February, our friend Dana was in town and we had just gotten our first puppy together, :insert Lambeau here: so we let Dana take some pictures of us!

i feel a little bad dumping all these photos, but at least the puppy is SUPER cute! ;)

^^ do you see a heart in the sky?!

:::le sigh::: i totally knew then that i was going to marry that man. & 15 months later, i did!

now im off to cry about my hair that is no longer long, nor blonde. :'( :'(

have a great easter friends!

ps. follow me on instagram!  @wifegoodman

Thursday, March 28, 2013

full moon disturbances?

i just slept 14 hours. i opened my eyes at 12:57pm. whoa.

worrying about a non moving baby boy is exhausting.

{remember that time you were 23 weeks pregnant and got sent over to labor & delivery in the hospital}

oh wait no. that was me. that was yesterday.

i hadnt been feeling little man move since monday afternoon. ive noticed that since week 18, the one thing that always ensures movements is taking my prentals at night. so when monday night came along and there was no movement after my prenatals - i kind of wondered what was up. but i also knew its fairly normal to not always feel him. babies have on days and off days, just like we do. & my little man had an incredibly active weekend. so i told myself he was taking a little nappy do.

i woke up on tuesday, laying in bed paying attention to the motion and feeling in my belly. no little man. sad day. isaiah come home that night and asked if i wasnt feeling well. i explained to him that i hadnt felt babe all day and my tummy felt impeccably tight. i was just uncomfortable and wondering where babe was hiding. i was a sad mama, more than a worried mama.

wednesday came and i still hadnt felt any movement. i was more sad than worried because even though i think my belly is huge and the baby is huge, he's still small and has plenty of room inside. the chances of him facing my organs or my placenta is very likely. then i remembered a way to check in with my doctor that was semi casual and not extremely emergency like. so i logged on to the hospital website and into mychart to send an email over to the doctors office where RN's get the emails and reply. ive done it once before during 1st trimester and they replied twice within the hour & i saw my doctor that afternoon. so i opened the email to explain my feelings and checking in how common it is to not feel babe at 23w for the long period of time that i had stopped feeling him.

i was trying everything. drinking cold water, apple juice, an iced coffee, watermelon, grapes, salsa, mozzarella sticks, dancing, swimming, walking on my hands & knees, laying on my left side, the prenatals at night, banana popsicles. bub didnt budge.

8 hours later the RN called me back to talk with me about the email and my symptoms, mentioned "yeah we need to check for a heartbeat... yes we definitely do. can you hold?" & i was put on hold. the nurse came back saying "Dr. W wants you to head over to L&D immediately. how soon do you think you can be there? im going to call them ahead and let them know youre coming in"


L&D? labor and delivery? for me? why? im only 23w! ONE WEEK AWAY FROM VIABILITY.

then i panicked. why didnt my doctor just wanna see me in his office with the doppler? his office is connected to the hospital?


i called isaiah who came home, picked me up and off we went. within moments i was in a room, on a bed and hooked up to a monitor that kept track of babes movements and heart rate as well as my pulse.

we immediately heard a heart beat. oh thank God.



then i started crying. because i was so happy he was okay. but felt like such an idiot for not knowing. and i kept telling isaiah "im so sad that he's so stubborn". in which isaiah says "HE GET IT FROM HIS MOMMA" and proceeded to play some song on his phone while dancing around. "HE GET IT FROM HIS MOMMA!"

i was hooked up for 2 hours. just listening to baby boys heart beat and hearing all of his movements. they gave me a button clicker pen thingamajig to press every time i felt him. {but i wasnt feeling him. helloooo. thats why i'm here}

i remember that isaiah thought baby boy was a baby girl, because his heart rate was always over 150. you know, that old wives tale. he must have started to feel my anxiety and happiness because eventually he woke up & i started to feel him, and his heart beat was great.



two hours went by and the doctor came in. he read all of the charts and had exceptionally good things to say. baby G is doing great. they saw excellent rises in his heart beat and he is "doing more than well for his gestational age".

i must be raising a werewolf. who is that twilight man? jacob? maybe baby G is a werewolf.
but maybe not.

one thing you are little man, is a stubborn boy. you gave this mama a run for her money yesterday. and daddy says we almost made him poop his pants when we called him.

& of course, when we got home. i felt you moving around. <3

^^23w. the day you scared mama, a whole bunch.