Sunday, March 31, 2013

what. a. weekend.

i'm exhausted. physically. and mentally.

{weekend shenanigans}

friday: hubby got home just after 4pm. seriously, amazing. that is something that never happens & since the sun was still shining, i felt like it was even earlier and that we had the whole night ahead of us! im lucky if i get isaiah home from work by 6:30. that also doesnt happen very often. so we made the most of the sunshine weather & quickly left the house. our night consisted of home goods & dinner at granite city. yum yum yum. by far my favorite place to eat!! home goods had 5 aisles of girl things and 1 aisle of boy things. are we surprised? no. but we kept wandering and ended up coming home with a table that we'll use in the nursery as a nightstand - and a floor to ceiling mirror that i'm thinking i want to hang on the wall vertically to be equal with the crib. if that makes sense? how much fun will little man have staring at himself in the mirror?! ... hopefully not too much. & we of course arent sure how the mirror will fit, or look - but there are plenty of places in the house for a long wall mirror! i want to go back to home goods right meow.

saturday: isaiah and i woke up early to head to redwing for our friends daughters 1st birthday party! sweet sloane turned 1 and it was so good to see tyler & hilary. i dont know how i DIDNT get pictures of the day so you'll just have to trust me when i say shes one of the cutest girls ever. unfortunately, i checked my phone at the end of the party as we were ready to head back home & saw some text messages from my dad that seemed pretty urgent, along with a few missed calls from my cousin. so i called my dad back (who was up north visiting my grandma and grandpa for easter) and got some bad news. grandpa is not doing well. again. :( needless to say, i crashed sloanes birthday party with my tears. please forgive me sloaney! after the party, we made plans to have easter dinner at isaiahs mom with his grandma, aunt, uncle & cousin so that we could get up sunday to go see my grandpa. spent about 4.5 hours in the car. too much.

{some short background history on grandpa, aka: my crapa} christmas eve 2000 we were opening presents and noticed he wasnt feeling well. things got worse, and we ended up taking grandpa to the ER. from there he was immediately admitted and we found out he had cancer. my crapa has cancer. hodgkins lymphoma. thirteen years later, this man is still fighting. he is so stubborn. but so special. my best friend, and definitely my hero. my twin and other pea in the pod. my grandpa and i are very very very close, despite the 2.5 hour car ride between us. he's had a variety of cancers and lots of chemo. in 2004, he had his kidney taken out. his current kidney is only functioning at 20%. :( last year in May, things got scary and we were told grandpa wasnt going to make it much longer. something we've definitely heard before, but it never gets easier. my bridal shower was also in May and we kept stressing over what if grandpa goes & everyone is sad. but grandpa didnt go! he underwent more chemo and kept on keepin on. then it got bad again. and we were told he wouldnt be around for my wedding. {8.11.12}. i grew up with it being my dream to have my grandpa walk me down the aisle. my wedding day came, and crapa had just finished chemo. he was too weak to walk me down the aisle, but he was at the end sitting front row waiting for me :) (my dad walked me down, hes my other best friend. hehe) but here we are again. at another battle. another fight. for the last 5 months or so, crapa has been getting blood transfusions every monday. they've been keeping him alive & its been a miracle. a few mondays ago, results were bad so 2 mondays ago he got three blood transfusions. the most hes had yet. last monday, the results were the worst yet, showing that the three transfusions were no longer helping. 

sunday: isaiah and i woke up early, to make the 2.5 hour drive up north. we got to the hospital and found crapa's room to walk in as he was resting. within a few minutes he woke up to see us. i was so glad. its painful to hear him tell us that this is the end. says he'll be going to hospice from the hospital and not sure if he'll be around for his 85th birthday in two weeks. he had a blood transfusion at 4pm, and we'll see what those results say tomorrow. although, all in all, there arent any other options or sources to help him fight. its been a long road. and im so proud of him. 13 years of fighting. but i cant help but want him to keep fighting. to have more time. to meet his great grandson. it was a long drive home. tho we've heard bad news over and over and grandpa has been in the hospital often, this is the first time ive seen my dad and grandma cry.
once we were home, isaiah and i got all the primer on the four walls of the nursery. im no longer a fan of painting.
or spending easters in the hospital.
or being in the car for 9 hours the last two days.
we have to put the colors on the wall now, which my dad will be helping us with because he just repainted his house and it looks great. when that'll be, i have no idea. i expect the next few weekends will consist of driving up to the hospital or hospice home, providing what may happen during the week.  im terrified for that day.

i must go to sleep. for when this mama wakes, she'll be turning 26 years old. and hitting 24 weeks of pregnancy. VIABILITY!

im praying for you crapa. keep on keepin on my hero. xxo

^^ for his heart & pacemaker surgery

^^ 8.11.12

^^ 3.1.13. a picture of two miracles.

<3 <3 <3

no pictures with crapa today as he was in the hospital bed with his gown. but i did end up getting a sneaky one. hospital gown and crazy hair :) i still love him.

but one picture from today.

^^ 23w6d

happy easter my little egg <3


  1. I'm so sorry to hear that you're Grandpa isn't doing well. I'll keep him in my prayers! Thanks for sharing so many photos of you two. I love his tuxedo shirt! It's so awesome that you two are so close. P.S. Happy Birthday!!

  2. Sloane was so happy you made it :) no party crashing at all. Prayers to your family! Xoxo

  3. So, so sorry about your Crapa. I hope that he does better than everyone expects. And if he doesn't, I pray for peace and comfort for all of you. How blessed you have been to have such a sweet relationship with your Crapa. But I'm sure that makes it SO much harder to say goodbye.

  4. Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry. I know that it's hard to say goodbye, but I hope that you get to spend a lot of time with him in these upcoming weeks. I'm here if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on <3

  5. (WBer here!)

    Wow, this post really got to me! I, too, was very close with my grandpa. Unfortunately he passed a few years back, but your photos of your crapa (so cute!) just made me smile and smile. I teared up a little bit seeing the old one and the newer one of you sitting in his lap - too sweet!

    My sister was recently diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma and it sure is scary - but reading about how long your grandfather has been kicking cancer's butt has really given me hope. I'll be keeping him in my prayers!

    Love your Easter look, too. :)