Sunday, April 14, 2013

the day you went home.

{to heaven}.

first, thank you to those who have commented on baby G's nursery part 4, here. im sorry for the delay in my responses! if i have not gotten back to you yet, i promise that i will. your comments, feedback and opinions are so fun to read and i love them all.

yesterday was Saturday, and as i mentioned in my post from Friday - we were heading up north to see crapa for his 85th birthday.

i wasnt there for more than half an hour. 

& crapa took his last breath.
i was there for him. i was there with him.
he passed surrounded by his children and grand children. at home. in his chair. so peacefully.
i know things are better now.

{i wasnt prepared for this to be the last picture we took together.}

i cant wrap my head around my poor gammy. who lost her husband of 65 years. i pray for her. but i know the love from our family will help her get through this.

when we were in the hospital visiting grandpa on easter (3.31.13), the nurses made him a football tie blanket. yesterday, that blanket was given to me for baby G. from one of my favorite men, down to the next.

i laid with him, next to him in his chair though the last breath, through the tears, through the hospice nurse arriving and telling us there is no more heartbeat. i was with him rubbing his arm, kissing his head and holding his hand until the funeral home came. 
& thats when someone should give you a warning. because before you know it, a stranger is zipping your grandpa up in a black body bag and taking him away from you. 

apparently that shit doesnt only happen on tv. that, i could have done without.

after they came & took grandpa, we cut his DQ ice cream cake and my family started the drinks. being the pregnant lady i am, no drinks for this mama. i went into grandpas room & laid on his bed, snuggling with his sweatshirts and inhaling the smell of his blankets. found some old pictures and went down memory lane. the only pictures he had hanging in his room, were of me.

i am so proud of you for fighting. for holding on. for making it as long as you did. its been 13 years since we heard of you having cancer. and we made those years count. every moment. you betcha. you lived a great life, and accomplished so much. you held on for my wedding, something i wanted as a little girl. you made my dream come true. i promise that i will tell baby G everything about you. your jokes, your strength, that his mommy looks just like you, and that you, are where we get our stubborn quality from. the cabin will never be the same, but the joy from those memories will live on in my heart forever. i will see you in a few days crapa, only to let you know i'll be seeing you again someday. please watch over us and help us grieve with the thought of missing you so much.

you loved me so, crapa.

and i love you right back.

whole bunch.



  1. I am so, so sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family.

  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet grandpa. I too, am praying for your family.

  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Crapa. Praying for you & your family.

  4. so sorry for the loss of Crapa, Sarah. I know no words can ever make the pain go away, but just know youre not alone and may peace, love and prayers surround you all in the coming days, weeks, months and years.

  5. Sounds like quite the guy! Keeping you in my prayers!

  6. What a special relationship you had with him. I'm sorry for your loss, but happy you had the beautiful memories you did. Peace to you and your family.

  7. So sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

  8. So sorry for your loss. My grandma just died in February after a relatively short battle with lung cancer, and it's not easy when it's someone you're really close too. I'll be praying for you guys.

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a grandparent is one of the hardest things to go through. I am praying for you and your family.

  10. I'm so sorry to hear about this, but I'm glad you got the chance to spend a few more moments with his before he passed. And on his birthday too, what are the chances?? It's almost like he had it planned, just to feel your presence one last time! I love the wedding photos, especially the one where your Grandma is feeding him wedding cake. He sounds like an amazing man!!

  11. I'm so sorry to hear of your grandfathers passing. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Baby G is going to love that blanket and have it forever and pass it to his children. xox

  12. This brought me to tears. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. And like I said in a previous comment, I'm so glad that you had such a strong relationship with him. I hope that my daughter has the same thing my with dad. Prayers for you and your family as you grieve this devastating loss.