Tuesday, May 7, 2013

day 7 : my fears

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of



my biggest fear (since 2000), was losing my grandpa. 
if youre new here, you may not know that he passed away on 4-13-13, his 85th birthday as i was by his side. i truly never knew how i would make it through that day. for the last 13 years, it was something that weighed heavy on my heart and was constantly in my mind. "will i ever stop crying? how will i ever leave my bed?" - now here we are, 3 weeks later with grandpa in heaven. i miss him every single day. looking back, i can see it was all a part of God's plan. thats the only thing i can tell myself. the timeline of events and situations. how it all led to here. i got through that day, that week, the funeral - all of it with the help of my husband and my son. you know, this baby in my belly. its amazing what can happen and where we are able to find our strength. i am so thankful for that. and can not wait to see my grandpa again.

on a less sentimental note, my other biggest fear is getting into a car accident.
i have been driving for 11 years now, 10 with my license and 1 with a permit. i am just terrified of being rear ended. even rear ending someone else. though i have less fear over what i may be able to control. and being t-boned? oh my gosh, yikes. and driving in the winter? forget it. doesnt really sound all that possible living in MN, but ill avoid it all costs like the plague. if i do have to drive in the snow, its tight white knuckles the whole time. im even known to have to pull over and puke. the nerves are intense people. i wonder how much this will increase when i have an infant in my back seat. i can only imagine. i am a speed demon though, dont let my fear fool you of that. i swear i could be a nascar driver in another life. ive had 0 speeding tickets and 0 accidents. go me! 

& besides that, im also afraid of: spiders. the dark. my baby bump going away. losing my husband {that replaces my fear of losing grandpa}. not being pregnant again. getting stung by a bee. aaaand maybe we should say not losing the baby weight. yeah. lets add that to the list.


13 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss, dear. You're blessed to have had such an amazing relationship with your Grandpa! Ps: I also almost cried driving in the snow in my old little focus. I HAD to buy an SUV for last winter. Then we got almost no snow & I moved to Australia. Fail.

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  2. I hate driving in the winter, too. In college, my Honda Civic slid off the road during a snow storm and into a utility pole, totaling my car and deploying the airbags. It scared the living hell out of me. When it snows, which is always here, I'm always white knuckled and ready to puke at the wheel. Oh & you wanna see Nascar driving? Come to Boston. Holy moly! :)

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  3. I hope you don't mind but I have to chuckle at your fear of car accidents. I am yet to go 12 months WITHOUT being in one!! LOL. And only one of the accidents was my fault about 11 years ago. Every side of my car has been hit. My last one, I was rear ended. Literally, I was like WTF?!?! This was back in January and I was 19 weeks pregnant. The funny thing is, I have the whole routine down pat....

    1. Call police to report accident
    2. Call insurance company
    3. Call OB (if pregnant!)

    I had this all done in 30min. The collision shop gave me this cheap key chain last time with their number on it. I use it that much. My husband wants to know why I drive an SUV...its the safest for me. I am just prone to being hit. Michigan drivers are horrible!

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  4. Oh, gosh! I share so many of your fears!! I have been in a few car accidents, thankfully none of them too bad and no one was hurt, but it has made me even more fearful when driving. I'm scared of bees, spiders, the dark, and definitely losing my husband or baby bump! And yeah, losing the baby weight. Right now I'm scared of gaining TOO MUCH baby weight. So far, so good. But I worry about it a lot. Too much.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandma in 2007 and I can tell you it will get easier but you'll never get over missing them. What makes me sad is slowly I'm losing the memory of my grandma's voice and that tears me up. And getting rearended sucks. I had that happen just last year for the first time. Just be careful and do your best and all should be fine.

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  6. The baby weight thing can be scary. If you want to/are able to nurse your baby, you shouldn't have much of a problem. This is kinda bad, but I'd sometimes pump extra if I had a big meal. (-:

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  7. I'm so scared of being injured in a car accident too! Or running out of gas or getting a flat tire on the freeway. OMG what would I even do?? Thank goodness for cell phones. Spiders for sure! And bees, I've never been stung!

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  8. Though your Grandpa isn't here on Earth he is always, always in your heart.
    Speaking from experience, car accidents s.u.c.k.
    And, spiders, totally, irrationally terrified of them.

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  9. I second the irrational terror about spiders. Sometimes I have like hallucinations of them when I am asleep or dreaming and then wake up, turn the lights off and rip the sheets off the bed to check. That's pretty cray... but it's been going on since I was a little kid!

    Bless your heart for loving your grandpa so much - you know he's watching you and smiling, and you will see him again. :)

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  10. I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa, and congratulations on 11 years with no accidents! That's impressive.

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  11. i am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. i lost my grandpa on 12/14/07 and still have days where i feel as though i can't get over the ache in my heart.

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  12. So sorry for your loss honey. I lost my grandpa a month before my 12th birthday and still think of him every day - and I named my daughter after him. He was a great man, and I know yours was too.

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  13. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My grandma has cancer and it will break my heart when I lose her so I can relate. We have several fears in common. I hope you can overcome them. Hugs.

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