Monday, June 10, 2013

enter : freak out mode

the new mom syndome has officially sunk in.

im not talking about the over being pregnant syndome where i am dying to get this baby out of me. but the other one. you know... the holyshitballs panic mode.

there are 42 days until our due date. FORTY-TWO.

we bought our car seat this weekend & had it installed.
{we went with the cybex aton in rocky mountain}

not many more days of riding in the car with just hubby & i. not many more days of being only 15 minutes late because hubby is running around - but we'll now always be about 30 minutes late because i'll have hubby AND baby to get out the door.

our nursery is about 98% finished.
i have one more doctor appointment left before i start going every week.
our hospital bags are packed.
my diaper bag is ready to go.

every time i woke up last night, i couldn't fall back asleep. my anxiety level was sky high & filled with nerves.

new mama to be nerves. & i assume its normal, but oh boy is it frightening.

i love sleep more than anything in the world. through out this pregnancy, sleep has not been awesome. ever. not in the first trimester, the second & of course not in the third. waking up to pee isnt a bother as i usually have no troubles falling right back asleep - but falling asleep? that doesnt happen until about 2-3am. & ill wake up around 4-5am before im able to finally fall back asleep around 7-8am. and then im usually knocked out cold until about 1030-11am, thankfully.

every time i woke up last night i got all panicky about how i wont be able to crawl back in bed soon and snuggle up with my cold blankets because i may have a screaming child. completely selfish of me of course.

im not having the nerves or questions about being a good mother. i dont ask myself what if i am going to fail at this or fail at that. i just ask myself how in the HELL am i going to adapt. not how will i do this - but can i do this?
motherhood is going to be such a big change. and of course, after wanting a baby and wanting to be a mother all of my life and spending the 22 months trying - i feel guilty for suddenly becoming so nervous.

there will be a way. and i will be able to do this.

i am so in love with being pregnant. and so anxious to meet baby boy - to begin our family of 3 with more memories and special moments that of course my thoughts are just crazy.

geez louise sarah sam.

i know what youre thinking. so if you have a bag of "calm the F down" - feel free to send it my way!


  1. Oh hunny, no matter how much a momma wants her baby, I think they all have the "holy shit!" moment.

    I know you love Baby G, and it's totally understandable that you're nervous about changing everything up and taking care of another life. You're going to be a great momma and you have the support of a wonderful husband to help you.

    Give yourself some slack! It's ok to be nervous. As soon as Baby G makes his appearance, things will fall naturally into place.

    You're going to be absolutely fine <3

  2. Sweetie, you will be great. You're just at that point where most Moms are so close to the Due-Date...Don't overthink things to much, everything will be fine and fall into place and you'll going to ask yourself...what was I thinking. Much love <3

  3. Give yourself grace, Mama and have a small glass of wine before bedtime. You are going to rock the pants off of motherhood. We all have had those same questions and fears and I had them again before my second baby- how would I do that all AGAIN but with ANOTHER small human? The good thing is? Shit just falls into place. You're exhausted and uncomfortable and your nipples are sore as hell (should you go that route) but then you look at that sweet little dumpling and you think, "we're OK, you and me. We got this." Your life will never, ever be the same and that's what's so amazing. I think the number one take away those first few weeks is that you will be SHOCKED at how little sleep you actually need to survive ;) XO!

  4. 1. Don't freak out until the contractions start. Soak up the alone time and sleep.
    2. I want that diaper bag.... LUCKY!!
    3. You still look so great!!!

  5. You are totally on top of your shit with everything ready!! Get 'em girl! And your thoughts are totally normal. I just saw that my countdown is at 105 days and I've been freaking out for a long time already. Sometimes I wake up and the first thing I think is 'what did I do?!' and then I remember and take a breath and it is SO good! I think it's just a totally normal part of such a major change that you are about to go through, and already going through in so many ways. Life is changing big time and that is a big pill to swallow. You will be fabulous and so will Isaiah and everything will be good. Baby G is in good hands! xo

  6. Love that diaper bag! Also? Girlfriend you need to chill! :)

    Go get a pregnancy massage, pedicure, etc. calm your nerves and have some relax time.

    I used to not be able to sleep during my third trimester and sleep is the best thing for you. Zack started to run me bubble baths with lavender (bath and body works) right before bed and I would soak a good thirty minutes to relax then BAM I was out like a light.....until I had to pee later but you catch my drift?

    Go have a girls day and try to relax before you want to go to sleep. :)

    XOXO you are going to be a great mom!

  7. You got this, honey! Once he gets here, all those fears and anxiety will just melt away. You'll instinctually know that you can do this!
    For what it's worth, when I was on bed rest my last 3 weeks of pregnancy, I was a basket case. I kept coming up with all these things that NEEDED to get one (one may or may not be that the shed outside needed to be organized...for the baby...yeah...) but I physically couldn't do them. Que major freakouts every single night. You're so not alone in these feelings. Just know that they will go away, and you're allowed to feel this way. Get out and pamper yourself to relax - massage, pedicure, haircut, whatever. It'll do wonders!

  8. The minute Baby G is nestled into your arms you will forget about any of those fears. I pinky swear.
    Sleep will never be as good as it once was, but you won't care. In fact, some nights/days you'll skip a nap or stay up later, just so you can stare a little longer at your sleeping beauty.
    Take a few deep breaths and grab an iced coffee, enjoy this time. :)

  9. Breathe. You're going to be just fine! I know that doesn't help much, but speaking from the other side of it, it's so true.

  10. You are going to be such an amazing mom!! I'm sure everyone feels this way with their first, but like every other mama out there, you will figure it out as you go along. I totally hear you about the loving sleep thing. But I think one look into his precious little eyes and you won't even mind not being able to crawl back into your covers. :)

  11. I promise this is all normal! Or at least it better be... because I'm having the same thoughts! You're going to be an amazing mama though!

  12. I think what you're feeling is completely normal! Serious! But once he is here you will realize how little sleep you really need, that waking up in the middle of the night to check on him and making sure everything is good in his world is better than any amount of sleep you may or may not get. You will adjust just fine, I'm extremely confident in that.

  13. You can do this. You will do this. It sounds cheesy but it is so true. I remember my mom giving me the last bites of her favorite dessert or whatever when I was little. I'd always think (even when I was pregnant), I'd never be able to do that. But now, I'd give that girl of mine anything...ANYTHING. The moment you look in your little boy's eyes, you will be transformed. Not to say that it won't be hard...but you'll do it. And you'll be an awesome mom.

  14. Can you tell me the name of your bag? I can't find it anywhere!