Thursday, June 27, 2013

pregnancy problems : part 2.

part 1 : here

pregnancy problems.

so theres that time i could smell myself. 
i swear it.
and i shower.
get out, get dressed and ready all over again.
only to SNISS.
..... you surely know what a sniss is.
pee all over.
down my leg.
just to turn my ass around, head back upstairs - and get back in the damn shower.

& then theres the day you have a pool party to attend for your husbands LEAD team with his work company.
at his mentors millionaires house.
where you WILL NOT be swimming. because your legs could house spider man with all the stretch marks you got goin on.
aint nobody got time for that
so instead, you become frantic like big holly - trying on a million dresses in the target dressing room.
because no you will not be putting on a swimsuit.
and yes you will be sweating like a pig.
you'll also be refusing to sit on any piece of furniture.
because god forbid that your water breaks.
{my husband keeps joking about this one}
id have to sell my body and my child to repay for that couch.
never mind my dignity.
but my life isnt worth enough, so id have to sell yours too.
and then we would all be slaves without our little blogs to type on.

only to survive that day and wake up the next morning
to attend a 36week check up
which includes a strep test.....
your doctor didnt tell you?
apparently its the new fun thing. 
to get swabbed in your ass
the same day you get a fist in your chach.

i laugh. every day. but yeesh!
ill be jonesin' for some moscato after all that!

...... i still love you little jelly bean!


  1. uhhhhhhhh....what!? *That's* how the GBS test is done!?

  2. I heard about the butt swab from a friend who had that happened and I freaked out! Definitely not something I'm looking forward to!

  3. I love the new blog look! (and if you've had it up for a while and I just haven't noticed, I'm sorry)

    I'm sorry little man is making things difficult for you. Just think, when he's giving you sass, you can tell him, "I got something shoved up both my butt and my ho-ha just for you!"

  4. BAHAHAHA! What, you *didn't* like the strep test?
    Though I never peed myself I certainly could not control my flatulence. I was a habitual crop duster at the grocery store.

  5. Oh my goodness! HAHAHAHA So funny! But I feel for you at the same time! I haven't SNISSed yet, knock on wood!

    Also - LOVE the new blog look!

  6. Your updates are hilarious! I will definitely have to come back and reread when I get pregnant!

    Also, LOVE the new design! Its so fresh and summery!

  7. Whaaaa?? I strep test in your butt?? Now that's something I've never heard of. I hope you found something super cute for the party!

    When did you updated your blog?? It looks amazing!!

    1. OH and I totally grabbed your button!

  8. hahahaha I can't even deal with this! I'm afraid to sit on things because there's always something going on downstairs, so imagine my husband's horror when the Dr gave me tips for how to get in and out of the car (and other sitting to standing positions) "in a way that reduces leaking". My husband was all, "reduces what? where? how? why? pretend I didn't ask." I'm also pretty sure no one's going near my ass with a swab, I have enough problems down there.

  9. Hahaha! Love this post. Hilarious...because it's all so true.

  10. Oh man...laughed so hard at this. It's crazy what we go through for these cute little babies, isn't it? Love your new blog look too!

  11. Oh Jesus strep test up the rear?!?! Thanks for telling us like it is.

  12. This is hilarious!! Btw--snissing sounds just terrible.

  13. Too funny. Love your new look btw!

  14. Oh my gosh this list is hilarious! I actually didn't know that the strep test was a butt swab. Ha!