Friday, July 26, 2013

things you don't say to an overdue pregnant woman.


first things first, i'm sure most people say these things with good intentions BUT PLEASE. i beg you. just take a moment to think about what you are about to say. spare us both.

i promise the conversation will be 100x better if you take my mind off the fact that i am indeed, overdue.


maybe your due date is wrong: my dad keeps saying this. and time and time again. NO DAD. its not wrong. it cant be wrong. we worked with fertility specialists. i was on drugs and injections. had an HSG and 2 ultrasounds a week. i highly doubt they're wrong. "but you never know..." no... YOU don't know.

no news/no baby yet? no. do you SEE my belly? right right. we are currently dealing with the same situation we were in when you asked yesterday. i didn't casually pop out a baby in the last 24 hours and not tell you.

go walk/bounce on a ball/have sex/eat pineapple: ARE YOU SERIOUS? you think i haven't googled ways to naturally induce labor myself? you don't think i haven't been trying these techniques?! as if i don't want to meet my child already? puh-lease. been there. done that. doing these things still.

how dilated are you? whats your cervix like? why. just why are you that interested in MY vajayjay.

if it makes you feel better, i was late too. no maa'm. i do not give 2 shits cents about your labor experience. not making me feel better.

well, at least they'll be big and healthy! thanks. i love picturing how huge my child will be.

you're as big as a house. well thank you. you sure are kind.

your baby will come when they're ready. really? thats how pregnancy works? because i thought he'd still be in my belly when i turn 50. jokes on me eh!

can you even walk? {actually, this was said to me at 35 weeks} did you really just ask me that? smack yourself. you sound stupid.

and again leaving my 40w appt. lady in the elevator. "when are you due?!" "today." "what? no! i am surprised you are still walking!""oh?... yeah. i am still walking. a whole lot actually."

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. 

sleep while you can/enjoy your rest: i am already not sleeping. while i'm aware that yes, life and my nights will change {GASP. you mean things wont be the same anymore?? damn. why didn't anyone tell me this 9 months ago?!} don't make it sound like my nights are glorious now and i get 8+ hours of sleep a night. HA. i don't even get 4.

at least you aren't that overdue: as if anyone wants to be any amounts of overdue? doubtful.

majority of first time moms/moms expecting boys are overdue: i am well aware that many first time moms {women in general} are overdue. that does not mean i welcome the idea of it for myself.

well, keep me in the loop! yes. the first thing i'm going to do on my way to the hospital is text each of you individually and give you my progress updates. especially you, yeah you - the person i haven't seen in over a year. UM NO. JUST NO.

just go into labor/have that baby already! about that. I'M TRYING HERE.

no matter what, you're going to be miserable: NO. people have said this to me since week 35, maybe even week 32. but let me tell YOU. i'm not miserable. not in the slightest bit. in fact, i legit still have moments where i forget i am pregnant! my doctors tell me my body handles pregnancy like magic. comfort wise? i'm not miserable. physically i am doing awesome. now mentally? that may be a different story... i would like to see my son. see his face. does he have hair? i'm just another mama wanting to meet her child, so sue me.

and stop calling me 3x a day asking how i'm feeling or if i've made progress.  this is for the family. 1. i feel the same as when you last asked 5 hours ago or yesterday. 2. i'm sorry, but as much as i'd love to - i cant crawl into my own vagina and check out my cervix to give you that type of progress update. and 3. i promise you, we wont have a baby without letting you know its happening. ay yi yi.











17 comments:

  1. hahaha Sarah, I love you! People are all idiots. I have never heard more ridiculous things directed at me until I was pregnant. You can do what Jeff does... he experienced ONE person who said something he didn't like {she said, oh you look so miserable! you must be so uncomfortable} and he immediately shot back at her, "why would you say that?!? what the hell is wrong with you?!?" haha my mouth just kind of fell open and then he said, "you don't look miserable at all, that old bitch is". haha that's one way to handle the comments!

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  2. Hahahaha, this makes me laugh. All I'm going to say is hang in there! I can't believe people are asking how you're still walking...um, with your feet? What idiots!

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  3. new follower and I loooveeee your blog.

    My favorite has to be the "no baby yet?" I was with my sister when she was over due and someone asked her that, pointedly staring at her belly. My sister looked down at herself, shrugged and said, damn I knew I forgot to do something this morning!" She smiled and walked away, leaving me standing there with this now very confused woman. lol

    I hope little man graces your presence soon!

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  4. Haha! Loved this post! It's so crazy how pregnancy makes people think they can say anything to you, no matter how rude. I need to prepare myself now and start thinking of clever rude comebacks. If they're ballsy enough to ask in the first place, I'll be ballsy enough to insult them back!

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  5. New-ish follower, I love your blog!! I'm sorry you're dealing with idiots. I've never been pregnant so I can't relate with how you're feeling, but in your last bumpdate you looked fab! Hang in there momma!

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  6. I was soooo gonna ask how your cervix was today...DAMNIT!! WHO THE HELL ASKS THAT?! People are just plain effing rude. Now go eat some pineapple and pop that boy out!!

    Don't hate...You know I had to!!

    XoXo

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  7. Hahaha!
    Isn't it awesome how people (I'm probably one of them, let's be honest) feel they can ask you anything about your body, and give you shit loads of suggestions/advice when you're preggo?

    P.S. You forgot spicy food. Maybe THAT'S what's holding everything up. I kid. I kid. <3
    Hugs!!!!

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  8. okay I am really starting to feel bad for you :)

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  9. Omg I DIED when people kept asking me if there was any news on the baby.....like what...?? Yes I had him a week ago, whoopsie forgot to tell you??!! NO. Seriously. Stop asking.

    Thinking of you, girl!! xoxo

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  10. LOL I remember all of these! Wish I had something smart ass to say when I got these comments, but I'm not that funny.

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  11. I'll admit, I might be guilty of one or more of these no-nos. I'm just so excited about "meeting" Baby G!

    I'm sad that I'll be on vacation and won't be able to congratulate you immediately, but I know you'll do fantastic. I love you girl!

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  12. What an important (and hilarious) post! Honestly, this stuff is all really good to know! Sorry you've had to field so many annoying comments. )-:

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  13. Oh man! Not looking forward to this! HAHA But... I'm really excited for your baby announcement! Whenever it comes! (but soon baby, soon!)

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  14. This is a great list. I hope you have your baby soon and good luck mama.

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  15. hahahaha i just found your blog... i'm 39 weeks pregnant and people are saying this stuff to me (HAVE been for weeks) and it is the WORST!!!! oh girl i am praying for you big time in these last days!!

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  16. Frustrated with these comments, I searched and found this post. I love it. I'm contemplating sharing it on my Facebook page. Another favorite (not!) I'm dealing with...are you sure there aren't twins in there!? Pretty damn sure since I've had 8 ultrasounds. Thanks for calling me fat though! Glad to see you had your baby- obviously the baby WILL arrive! Let us do it on our own time! Thanks for the laughs.

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