Friday, August 30, 2013

its the little things.

i woke up at some point last night, and i opened my eyes to find myself facing isaiah.

i saw him laying there on his back with his hand resting on his chest. 

his wedding ring was shining in the reflection from our AC light. 

and i thought.

i thought about our memories. our life. the laughter. i thought about all the moments we created. the love that we share.

and just beyond his ring, was crue.

sleeping next to our bed was this tiny boy that we prayed over for so long. the most precious gift. a new test and a new chapter to our love story. a little boy that i brought into this world.

all my wildest dreams came true because of this wonderful man who lay so peaceful next to me.

i was in complete awe of the life we made together.

i couldn't help but smile.

and be ever so thankful.

all was right in the world.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

rock the dress!

in honor of the MN state fair going on right now, 
i thought theres no better time to share these photos with you guys!

because we delayed our honeymoon until the following month,
we decided to go to the state fair the weekend after we got married - in our wedding attire :)

theres nothing like the MN fair <3

Monday, August 26, 2013

weekend shenanigans {in photos}

i love weekends. i always have. and now ive got crue to anticipate the weekends with me, because were both so anxious to spend time with daddy! 

saturday we went to the state fair! it was crue shoes first trip :) two absurd things happened: 1. crue slept the entire time we were there... which panned out to be about 230-6ish! WHAT?!?! my kid never takes day time naps! 2. i only ate one pronto pup and shaved ice. again... WHAT?!?! 
we really really wanna go back because isaiah and i both plan to eat A LOT more our second time around, but the weather looks to be in the 90's all week :( which is too hot for mama and crue. i hope a cooler day sneaks in before the fair ends so i can get some cheese curds in my belly!
we were super filthy when we got home from all the sand blowing around when the wind picked up, so i desperately wanted a shower. i brought crue in with me and he LOVED it. love love love.
by the time our showers and nursing session had finished, it was getting pretty late so we wrapped up our night with red box {snitch and the most recent die hard movie... neither were awesome, but im convinced red box just doesnt give you awesome... snitch was better} and some Wendy's for dinner because isaiah really wanted a frosty. dinner is ALWAYS easier when someone has a specific craving. i miss being pregnant just for that reason. okay. and a million other reasons.

sunday we went to church. it was crue's second visit and it didnt go as well as the first. our first trip back to eagle brook he slept the entire time. this time, he was awake. it still went fairly well though because he didnt end up fussing til the very end! we headed out just a few minutes early and ended up beating the major rush in the parking. i still call that a win-win. after church we went out for brunch at a place in Blaine called Ole Piper. they used to be a hole in the wall homecooked place, until they had a fire and remodeled. its much more "modern" now but they still have the delicious food, thank goodness! i HATE when people re-do their menus. (which granite city just did. boo them).

when we got home my dad brought my grandma over to say bye to crue! i am so happy he went to pick her up in Superior and bring her here to the cities for the weekend. crue met isaiah's grandma last week and my grandma this week. two great grandmas! she was over the moon to see him. it saddened my heart to know that grandpa wasnt going to be accompanying grandma... but then i was able to remember that crue is named after him and i felt a little better. its funny how this little boy makes things in life a little easier :) besides sleep... maybe?! i kid. i kid. ps. grandma hates pictures. so dont go tellin' her these are on here! she'll kill meh.

after grandma/great grandma left to head back to Wisconsin, isaiah said "do you wanna go get mani's and pedis'?!" CREME DE LA PANTS. momma got a new mani and pedi. thank ya jesus isaiah! we wrapped up our night with some classic sammies (oh how i have missed those when i was pregnant!) accompanied by chips & dip that isaiah made all pretty to eat on the couch while i was nursing crue. and of course, no night is complete without some baby snuggles :))

now we anxiously await the next weekend... which is 3 days long, HOLLA!

Friday, August 23, 2013

crue: the birth story.

note: this is quickly typed out as i nurse crue.. ignore my run on sentences & grammatical errors. sorry not sorry ;)

i was 9 days overdue. holy. moly. 
i had noticed that during my overdue days, my baby was moving around less and less. at my 40w appointment i mentioned this to my dr - we kind of both just chalked it up to my baby running out of room. as days went on i got more worried and started wondering if my baby was distressed or if the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck or lord who knows what.. first time pregnant lady panics.
wednesday night isaiah and i went out to dinner and for a walk around the sculpture garden... i kept stressing that i wasnt feeling many movements & we agreed we'd wait through the night and see what the morning brought.
thursday morning came and i hadnt felt anything during the two time frames that i often felt the most, so we decided to head in to L&D to be monitored. all of our hospital bags were already in our car for quite some time.. as i never thought id be so overdue!
when we got into L&D, we saw my doctor! we had been talking about most pregnant women being induced between 10-14 days and i knew that i did NOT want to be induced, nor did i want to be 42 weeks pregnant. 
because my doctor was there and saw us,  he said that we could be induced right then and there... after weighing out some serious options with isaiah, we chatted and decided to go ahead. it was august 1st and we were SO ready to finally see the face of the babe in my belly. {and i was so NOT ready to lose my belly!}
serious emotional moments.
my doctor broke my water at 738am on thursday august 1st. i was 2cm dilated and 80% effaced, the same that i had been for weeks. when he broke my water, i didnt know that he was going to do that.. i was expecting a regular cervical check so when i felt the gush it took me by major surprise and i literally thought i had just peed all over the hospital bed and his hand. i said "something just got really really warm" and he told me it was my water.
isaiah and i sat in my birthing suite all day long. watching tv, playing on our phones, taking a few naps, chatting amongst ourselves and waiting the arrival of our new baby boy. we kept telling all the doctors and nurses that we were trying to have this kid before midnight! {for most of the day, we thought my doctors shift ended at midnight.. but turned out it didnt end until 7am}.
after a few hours the nurse came back in to check me and i was still at 2cm, just barely at 3cm. so they started pitocin, upping my dose every 40 minutes.
i was having contractions when i came in before they broke my water, but i wasnt feeling them.. so during this time i was still contracting but doing well other than having such slow progress with my dilation. 
about 930am i started feeling them. and the people dont lie. THEY ARE NOT AWESOME. you will totally know what a contraction is like when youre having them. i absolutely thought "what if i never know?" "what if i never feel them?!".. when theyre active - you'll feel them! 
at 1130am my contractions were every 2-3 minutes apart.
at 1230 i was like OH MY WAAAHH. i had been in labor for 5 hours and STILL only at 2cm! my babies station was at a 0 - so that was some progress and i tried to stay calm.
at 1pm they upped my pitocin to 12 units and i was describing my pain level to be between an 8-10, depending on my contractions and the length.
i kept needing to pee - multiple times of course. i had two IV bags hooked up to me so i suppose thats to be expected. HOWEVER. i needed the nurses help or isaiahs help getting out of my bed and in to the bathroom, carrying all those damn bags and cords behind me. well F the nurse because i rather have my husband, obviously. so id tell isaiah "i gotta pee" and hed come help me up only for me to gush more waters ALL OVER the floor. every. single. time. 
my poor husband spent majority of that day mopping up my waters from the floor. and i would hysterically laugh as it came out of me thinking that i was not only losing waters, but peeing everywhere too. isaiah just kept giggling along with me saying "its ok! its ok!" but then id get embarrassed and just try to scoot my way to the toilet with my legs closed. 
YOU GUYS. the water dont stop flowin'! 
at 3:30 we got a new nurse. and she kicked some major ass. i wish i could hang out with her. 
i got out of bed and started to labor on the birthing ball to speed up my process. i think i kept that going for about an hour or so. and i have no idea what progress i made afterwards.
at some point after our new nurse came, she gave me the option of laboring in the tub and i took her up on that immediately.
it was THE SCARIEST thing getting into a bath full of water while i had wires and things hooked up to me. i swore i was going to be electrocuted and i didnt trust anyone. but that all changed when one of my contractions came because i just submerged myself into that water within the blink of eye, no questions asked. isaiah sat on the floor with me holding my hand and helping me breathe thru them.. and i seemed to doze off in between my contractions, just to be alertly and rudely woken up by another strong one.
when i was in the tub, again i kept thinking i had to pee. so isaiah would help me out and id drip more water all over. i told him i felt like i had to poop and thats ALL I WANTED TO DO. i kept saying "help me poop pleeeeeease!" but of course, how would he do that?! and so id sit on the toilet, half trying to push as hard as i can to poop and half scared to death to push incase my baby would fall out. i was consistently interrupted by another contraction and getting so pissed off.
i got back in the tub for some more of my insane intense contractions. the nurse and isaiah kept telling me i was doing SO SO well and my breathing was right on point, so just keep breathing! many of the nurses swore we took classes or that this was our 2nd or 3rd child but when i said we didnt take classes and it was our 1st, i dont think they believed me. but it felt SO good to have them cheering me on in these moments. they fucking sucked. 
isaiah kept telling me i could get the epidural but i had a goal for myself. i didnt want it until i was between 5-7cm (if at all) and i had no idea where my progress was. 
i labored in the tub for about 2 hours before i started to get sick, so i got out and got back into bed.
i started throwing up multiple times so i wanted to get checked again.
at 730pm the nurse checked me and i was 6.5cm! FUCK YES. GIVE ME THAT EPI. i told her i was ready for the epi, and she alerted the anesthesia team.
in about 5 minutes the anesthesiologist came into my room and started going thru the medical terms and risks about it.. which i really didnt want to hear because i was terrified. and the risks of an epi are the one thing i avoided looking into my entire pregnancy. my contractions were so close together and so strong though that it was really easy to tone him out. 
IT WAS A BREEZE. it went in so so easily and i was so relieved. so thankful. but totally the weirdest thing ever after that. i remember anytime the nurses needed to do anything theyd ask me to move my legs... MOVE MY LEGS?? you just paralyzed me! no i cant move my legs. so the nurses and isaiah did it all. i kept telling them i felt like one huge fat floppy fish. 
at 9pm, i was at 7cm. our nurse kept coming in to check the monitor.. we noticed nothing but since she was watching it out at the desk she was noticing changes in our babies heart rate. she came in quite often and at 930pm i was put on oxygen. my babies heart rate was descending and they told me that more oxygen for me would help get more oxygen to my baby.
my doctor came in and watched it and they decided things were fine for the moment.. we'd keep laboring. 
i remember two nurses and my doctor all checking out my baby with cervical checks, talking about his hair and his ears. they kept saying i still had some cervix stuck up in the corner.
at some point someone said i was fully dilated, but there was still a bit of cervix. fully dilated but not fully effaced? whaaaat?
i was still on oxygen, dozing in and out and desperately wanting some sleep. AND SOME LIQUID. i was so so thirsty. the whole no food no drink after epi rule sucks the D.
most of the night was a blur. 
i remember our awesome nurses shift ending at 11 and she said if we were close she was going to stay because she really wanted to see what our baby was going to look like... she hung out until about 11:40pm but there was no change and so she left :(( 
1am and no progress. my doctor told me that our son had swallowed a lot of meconium and his heart rate kept descending so they suggested we get in for a c section as soon as possible.
i cried.
i didnt NOT want a c-section, but i didnt think it was going to happen that way. i went into this fully prepared to bring my son into the world in any which way i needed too. whatever was best for him and i, just do it. keep us alive and healthy. so a c-section is whats best, a c-section we will do.
thats the same moment my dad and MIL showed up. they came in the room just in time to hear, gave me a kiss and were sent off to wait. isaiah was given a huge space suit to put on and they wheeled me off.
i hated being alone. i couldnt feel anything from my epi so that was the only pain medicine i got & i wasnt put under. isaiah came into the operating room shortly after and things began. the process wasnt long and i was doing okay. i expected to feel more pressure, so that wasnt horrible. it was hard to talk so i just kept looking at isaiah as he held my hand. i wanted him to film the entire thing but he didnt! poop scoop.
i did tell him to watch and he would check every once in a while, and saw them pull our son out of my belly.

at 1:22am i heard my son cry, and saw my husband cry.

our doctor told us that he was also sunny side up, so we would have needed a c-section in the end regardless. we would have just spent more hours trying to labor and push for a more serious situation with all of his meconium.
it all turned out as it should have :)
{i should probably mention that i had gotten sick a few more times and i remember throwing up as they switched me from my bed to the operating table.. and again after}

crue leslie warren was born on august 2nd at 1:22am via emergency c-section after 18 hours of laboring.
7lbs 14oz and 22 inches long of pure joy.

after he came out, he was weighed etc and whisked off with isaiah as i laid on the table waiting to be sewn up. i didnt want to be alone but i knew i wanted isaiah to be with crue. it was in our birth plan that if i couldnt do skin to skin with him, daddy was going to do it. and so he did.

after i was finished i had to go sit in a recovery room for one hour and i remember hating that. i kept asking the nurse when i could have something to drink but she wouldnt let me. kept telling me i would throw up again. and that i did NOT want. there is nothing in the world i hate more than throwing up. {except now maybe throwing up during contractions}. it was about 3:30am and my dad came in with MIL to say goodbye to me. told me that my son was beautiful and i did an amazing job. i cant believe i had only seen him for 1 quick minute and i was his mother. 

crue had to be in the level 2 nursery for 4-6 hours and be observed for his lungs from all the meconium etc, so when i was out of my recovery room i still wasnt able to be with him. FINALLY at about 6am they brought him into our room and i was so excited to wake up and hold my son. 

isaiah and i spent the morning loving on him until they took him away for some more tests and we took a nap. that friday afternoon around 3pm we had our first visitors and they continued to come through out the weekend.

monday aug 5th we were all OKAY'ed to go home as a family of 3!!

{crue weighed 7lbs 1 oz and i was a little upset he had lost 13oz... i know its expected for babies to lose weight, especially because my milk hadnt come in yet but 13oz was almost a whole pound! the doctors then told me that 7lb 14oz wasnt a very accurate birth weight because i had labored for so long before going into the c-section that crue had a lot of "water weight" which came off in the first 24 hours. sometimes i get bummed out and feel like i was jipped out of my sons actual weight, haha! ... at our first ped's appointment when he was 5 days old (2 days after we left the hospital) he had gained 4oz and was 7lb 5oz! happy momma! ... at our 2 week check up when he was 14 days old, he weight 8lbs 1oz!}

things at home are going so well, i truly feel spoiled. crue is 3 weeks old today & he is already changing so much right before our eyes. 

i can not believe we get to be the parents of this sweet little boy!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

the firsts.

first few hours in the world

first nap at home // 3 days old

first dr appointment // 5 days old

first family walk // 6 days old

first time out to lunch // 8 days old

first bath // 9 days old

first piece of mail // 11 days old

first gearapalooza & meeting baby guy // 17 days old

first day {third time} rolling over!!!!!!! // 18 days old
the days in the goodman household are FLYING by.
{& so are the nights, because this boy sleeps thru them!}