Wednesday, August 14, 2013

judgmental mommas : aint nobody got time for that

these things do not make you mother of the year:
the fact that you breast fed until your baby was 1
or if you introduced solids at 4 months
if your child has never watched tv
if your child has never used a pacifier
that you did the cry it out method
that you never did the cry it out method
you use bumpers
you dont use bumpers
you have mesh bumpers
if you made your babies food
if you bought your babies food
if you coslept in the bed
if your baby was in your room for the first 6+ months
if your baby was in their own room/crib by week 2
you're a stay at home mom
you're a career driven working mom

but perhaps these things do: 
you feed your child
providing a safe environment
nurturing them
allowing stimulation {whatever form that may be}
providing security
you make them smile
you teach them in every opportunity
loving them through all of their moments

there is no such thing as a perfect mom other than a mom who is doing her best.

i am only pregnant with my first, and i am already so over the comments from judgmental mothers. the mothers who say "dont do this" or "make sure you do that" and put themselves on a pedestal because they got pregnant first and have done something different than what someone else may be doing in their journey of motherhood.

i would love to do this. for the whole first year even. its important to me. i know it will be a hard road, that the first weeks are rough and painful - ive read a thousand stories of struggling mothers. im excited to attempt this, to face the challenge & have the support of my husband. but if i cant go a whole year? that will be okay. or if i cant produce enough milk? that will be okay too. perhaps breast feeding wont go very smoothly but ill still have the option to pump my milk & feed little man using a bottle vs my breast. thats okay. maybe it will all be a crap shoot. {i hope not}, but needing to use formula would not make me a bad mother. nor does it make a breastfeeding mother better than me.

tv time.
isaiah already talks about the saturday mornings that he imagines himself getting his son up out from his crib and bringing him into our bed or downstairs on the couch to watch a tv show before starting a day full of family time, activities and errands. AND THATS OKAY WITH ME. i am not going to freak out about my child watching a show on saturday mornings with his dad. maybe when hes 12 years old or 22 years old, he will say to someone, "i loved the mornings i watched tv with my dad." WHATEVER. that doesnt make isaiah a bad dad. or me a bad mom. or my child a "stupid" one.

you know, i never thought that i would use a pacifier on my baby. i dont want him to become attached. i dont want nipple confusion. i dont want to complicate things more. but you know what? i probably will use a pacifier. we will be flying with a 3 month old from the US to Germany. and if a pacifier will keep my son quiet on a 10+ hour flight with 200 strangers? then a pacifier he will get. does that mean its in his mouth 24 hours a day or i give it to him at the first sight of a fuss? no. does that mean he will use until he's 2 years old? no. is there a chance he wont ever need it at all? absolutely.


i am open to changes. ideas. options.

i am not going into this thing called motherhood with high expectations. it wouldnt be right to say "i am never going to do _____" or even the opposite of "of course i will do ______".

being a mother is the hardest job in the world. and i am already so surprised (and so sad) at the lack of support from other mothers out there. especially for a new time mommy.

i can not wait to see pregnant ladies and new mothers out in public someday. i hope ill have something wise to say and be able to make them smile. give them a comment that stands out above the rest. something positive rather than negative. helpful vs demeaning.

whatever it is you do, i am almost positive that it is the very best that you can do. it is what works for you and your family.

& really, thats all that matters. 

---> click here to read a favorite mom post of mine.
or here to read about the "CTFD" method ;)


  1. I love this post Sarah, because youre 100% right. YOUR methods may be different than someone elses, but your child is different than theirs. There is no "one size fits all" rule book for parenting. I got/still get ridiculed a lot for different decisions Ive made for Trevor, and as much as I hope you dont encounter that, you probably will, but I hope you know that youre still a great mom, despite what negative nancy says. If you ever need to talk, or anything, Im here.

  2. Amen!!!! Each mother does what is best for HER family and HER child. As moms we need to support each other rather than tear each other down! Heck, I stopped breastfeeding at 3 weeks and my kid watches Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in bed with his daddy every morning. But, you know what? He's growing and thriving and still alive. So, we must be doing something right! You and Isaiah know what's best for Crue, and that's all that matters!

  3. Amen sister!!! PS...your going to Germany?!!? fun fun fun!

  4. You're absolutely RIGHT! Everyone is different, they parent different and every child is different so even what worked for your first baby might not work for your second and that's 100% okay. You're a great momma! :D

  5. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Mamas need to stick together and help / support each other! NOT judge and ridicule each other. This mama business isn't easy and having other mamas to rely on is crucial - but only if they're nice. :)

  6. I just love you.
    I'm very sensitive to your #1... Long story, we can chat about it later.
    You are an awesome mommy, and anytime you need support from another mommy you know my number.

  7. What an awesome post! Whenever I see new moms or pregnant women I try to just say "You're going to love it!" or "You're going to be an amazing mother!" because no one wants to hear negative things. You're already naturally nervous (at least I was) because you're a first time parent. Why not be positive and uplifting? :)

  8. This is an awesome post, Sarah! You're going to be the best mama to Crue as long as your trust your heart and do what you feel is best for your family. Love you!

  9. I love this! When I was pregnant I really couldn't believe how many judgemental moms were out there. I finally got to the point where I would just smile and say "okay" and be on my way.
    P.S. Little Crue is so adorable!

  10. Another great post!! I don't know why people feel the need to constantly impart their "wisdom" onto anyone that will listen. You said it right, just because something works for one mom doesn't mean it will work for the next. Different strokes for different folks!

  11. Great post! I can only imagine how I will be with those judgmental mothers. Ugh. Shoot me now. I don't get how moms can just attack each other like that. I want no part of it. Very well said, Sarah. And I have memories of Saturday morning cartoons. :)

  12. Your head is on mega-straight; love it! Should you find some time, you've got to glance through this compilation of parenting advice for a good laugh!

  13. Amen, girl! Now that I'm pregnant, my mouth is getting me into trouble when people try to dish out their opinions. Oops!

  14. YES!!! You are so smart for knowing all of this right off the bat. Stick to it and remember it alllllll the time.

  15. This is absolutely amazing. I raised my little brother right from when he was born, and I learned a lot of tricks and tips. Sometimes he got formula and sometimes he got breastfed. If mom wasn't home, a formula bottle was just fine. When he started eating solids, he insisted on oatmeal for breakfast and instant mashed potatoes for every other meal... and that's what he got.

    I think that any moms who tell you, "This is what I did and it was great!" to try to help you along the way are on the right track. Tell stories of what worked for you, and then leave it up to the others if they want to try it themselves.

    Keep loving that little baby of yours. He's absolutely beautiful.

    xoxo Sara

  16. Wow this is everything I have to deal with being a new mom as well. It is like they think because they are moms they can tell you what to do.

    I love your blog, it defintely one of my favourites!!

  17. This is such a powerful post, such a great reminder. We can really lose sight of the important stuff in the midst of all of the shoulds and shouldn'ts.