Wednesday, April 23, 2014

and so we try again.

this week is National Infertility Awareness Week, or also seen around as NIAW.
its a week near and dear to my heart.

so today?
sweet Emily over at Hope Squared is opening up her blog to me.
im opening up about infertility. im advocating for our 'disease'.
im also telling you, that, here we are. looking infertility in the eye again.

resolve to know more.
+ 1 in 8 women struggle with infertility
+ infertility affects about 10% of the population
+ infertility can be diagnosed for both women AND men
+ ONLY 15 states have passed laws requiring insurance to cover some level of infertility treatment. minnesota is not one of them.
+ infertility treatments can make one go bat shit crazy.

this year i blog about it with an 8 month old on the floor while he repeatedly dumps out his easter basket. last year i blogged for 2013's NIAW with a baby in my belly. though i have no blog posts for the 3 years before that, i have scars and memories of pain.

since the moment i was cleared from my dr at 6 weeks post partum on 9.13.13, we began trying for another baby.
its now 4.21.14. we have had 7 months of no luck. on top of our unlucky years before having Crue.

when we were in florida, we had some VERY rude pervy man in the lobby of our hotel who kept chatting with isaiah and i as we looked around after checking. i don't know how it happened but some words came out of his mouth asking me how many kids i have, as isaiah was holding C - and i said "one, thats my kid" as i pointed over to my husband with my son. some more words went by, perhaps about more children? i don't even remember. but what i remember is that next he mentioned something about having sex. how making kids is so much fun. 1st: EXCUSE ME? 2nd: YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE. 3rd: i am infertile. C was not a result of "having fun". 4th: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU. i won't ever forget that man or those words. like, what?

crue is our joy. he is our miracle. and of course he was well worth every needle, every ultrasound, every doctor visit, tear and struggle. more worth it than i could tell anyone.

i love that i get to play with him every day. he's a great distraction from infertility. because even though we have him? infertility is still a part of my life. our reality.

isaiah and i have been discussing how long we want to try on our own. how long do we wait for a period, how many ovulation kits we want to keep buying, how many mornings i'll take my temperature before going to get crue. and.
when we want to throw in the towel and back to our RE.
when enough is enough, if you will.

right now? we take it day by day.

but the truth is,
it still stings.

thank you Resolve for 25 years of your support.
thank you Emily for opening your blog to me during such an important week <3

read here about 25 ways you can support the movement.


  1. Sending lots of love your way!!!! Glsd you have that sweet, sweet boy to distract you! XO

  2. What a jerk!! I will never understand why complete strangers think that your children or lack thereof is their business. UGH! I'm so sorry that happened to you!

    Thanks for sharing your story!!

  3. What a creeper! I pray you get your next little miracle soon!

  4. I hate that every single person feels like their opinion about parenting/life needs to be shared, especially because we can't walk a mile in each other's shoes.

    Praying for your little family as you go through these struggles, and that you'll be blessed with another sweet miracle

  5. sending love and lots of baby mojo your way!!!

  6. First off WHO THE EFF says that to a stranger?!

    I am always praying for you and Isaiah that your dreams will come true again so very soon!!

  7. Oh hun, I can't imagine how difficult the choices you're making right now are. K and I have said that when we're ready to try for another (HA! Like planning has anything to do with IF,) we'll do three months of the "old fashioned way" before going back to our RE. I just know that personally, I can't do months of OPKs again. I'd rather have a medical professional track my body. I hope that Crue gets to be a big brother soon and I have another baby to spoil!

  8. I think that's the hardest decision - how long to keep trying before going back to your RE. I think personally, I would not be able to deal with the heartbreak month after month of trying on my own. I am sending you a huge hug and hopes that baby #2 will be on the way soon. xo

  9. <3 you sweet girl! I pray for you and your sweet family. I don't know your struggles or your pain, but I am always here if you need me. I'm so glad that you have your handsome baby man as a distraction. xoxo

  10. I found your blog on Weddingbee. I have followed your journey for quite some time, and I hope you are blessed with your next baby soon.

    From someone struggling similarly, thank you for being a voice for us.

  11. Awe, infertility is tough. Both my best friend and sister in law struggled for five years each and luckily (through intervention and IVF), both have babies (my best friend has two!) Thinking of you, friend and wicking you the best;)

  12. I love you and your strength. Though I don't know your struggles, I admire your determination and refusal to give up. You're a pretty amazing lady, and one very fabulous momma.

  13. That guy sounds pretty dumb and ignorant!! Hugs to you!!!

  14. I'm with ya girl. You are so strong! I know you will be lucky enough to have another babe soon - that will be one super lucky bean too.

  15. You are a wonderful mother and I pray that God blesses you with another baby.

  16. I hear you, a dozen times over. We were the same; started last year and in vain, apparently. I get irrationally angry (and so sad) because we'll never get the chance to plan and conceive a baby, the FUN way. Lots of love x

  17. I think you may enjoy this lovely interview with Mara Kofoed, a beautiful and lovely lady who happens to be infertile.

    And her blog:

    Only the best :)