Tuesday, June 10, 2014

PCOS after baby





if you know me in person, and know that i have PCOS, i am begging you to not be one of those who say "but maybe having crue fixed it!" and go on to tell me about all of those women you know who magically got pregnant with another child after struggling with the first.

we struggled to have C. and we struggle to have another.

i'm not even sure if its possible, but it seems that my PCOS is worse post-baby.
maybe the reason i think that is because i weigh much more now than i did pre-baby.

PCOS is a nice way of saying that my ovaries don't produce enough hormones for my eggs to mature. losing weight a constant struggle because it causes my hormones to build up and become insulin resistant, having all of the sugars and glucose build up in my bloodstream. then you somehow build up a hormone that MEN have, which puts the weight gain right in your stomach. sounds sexy huh?

i was fluctuating around 131-133 pounds before starting the mess of infertility.
when i was put on metformin, i gained 10-15lbs QUICK. and with all of the other meds, the pounds weren't going anywhere.

i stopped eating a lot of carbs, i opted out of white rice, pasta or bread when i could, ditched the pop and tried to keep my head high during our days of TTC.

i was 143 the day we(i) got pregnant.

i was 174 the day i delivered C.
the day we got home, i checked myself, weighing in at 171.

today?
i STILL weigh A LOT.
162 to be exact.
and thats after four weeks of working out every day and drinking shakeology.

i've had about 3 glasses of wine in the last 10 months since having a baby. i've given up pop. I EVEN GAVE UP CARIBOU! woof. i've been working out burning 200+ calories a day and using my fitbit to track steps & miles. im learning about nutrition, cutting out sugars & some carbs again. i've lost 4 pounds.
and IT. IS. HARD.

if you know me, carbs alone are my best friend.
waffles for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, pasta for dinner. mashed potatoes, warm dinner rolls? these things I LOVE.
but i love being pregnant more.
i love being a mom, more.
hopefully you also know that i suck at cooking.
along with not being able to touch chicken or raw meat.

it has been 10 months since having a baby.
and i am hardly down 10 pounds.
my baby almost weighed 8!
my placenta i am sure weighed 2.

so theres that.
COOL.


i meet with my OB later this month where i am going to start birth control for one month. this is because our fertility specialist will suggest one month of BC to re-start my system anyways before moving on to other fertility meds. i did this same thing before having C. and if you ask me, i rather start the progress sooner than later. so i'm going to start the BC from my OB rather than waiting to get in with our RE for him to prescribe it. infertility doctors are popular, busy people. i'll chat with my OB about the metformin too, though im not sure where that'll take us. but then you know, theres increasing my chance on MORE weight gain. and we all know its just generally "easier" to have a baby with your weight in check.

i had my first post partum cycle 4/20-4/27 and i was thrilled!!! to see that it had came on its own, and was only 7 days long. i was charting and taking OPK's with baby dancing to see if i could do this on our own.
then may came.
and my OPK's were positive after positive. sometimes that can mean you're pregnant, but every pregnancy test was negative.
my 2nd cycle started late, giving me a 36 day cycle. my positive OPK's kept coming. i am pretty sure this is because of the chemical imbalance going on in my body, from none other than the famous PCOS. now im on CD15, and STILL BLEEDING. so taking another step isn't exactly possible when aunt flow is in town. that bitch.

so as it turns out,
NO.
my pcos did not go away because i had a baby.


who knew that we spent so much time in life just  w a i t i n g ?


thank you PCOS for sucking the fun out of baby making.
and making me a giant beached whale.


this is another roadblock in our journey.
a big one. a hard one to climb.
though i am confident that this too shall pass.


22 comments:

  1. Sending lots of LOVE and positive thoughts your way!! You are such a strong mama!

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  2. I also have PCOS. It's not as severe as other's have it, but it definitely makes the weight part not fun. I'll be praying that you can start your next journey to Crue's sibling soon!

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  3. Love you, lady! I saw your pictures that you just had taken and I think you look absolutely GORGEOUS! Totally perfect. Plus, you're always dressed so stylish!!! <3

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  4. I wish I had words for you, but I'm at a loss. I know that no matter what I say it won't change the way you're feeling. Even though I don't know your pain, anxiety and frustration I am here for you and am so thankful for you. You are one strong and amazing momma!!! xo

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  5. Praying my friend... I know this is so hard for you

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  6. Oh hun, I can only imagine how difficult this is. I know I still owe you an email, I promise I'm getting it to you! Sometimes I think our bodies are so messed up that only medications can help (and this is coming from a girl who HATES medications.) I think talking to your OB and eventually your RE is the right step. You're doing all you can right now, sometimes our bodies just need that extra boost.

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  7. I'm so sorry friend!! :( I'm sending all the baby making / losing weight wishes your way! And some hugs. I'm also sending hugs!

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  8. Oh, I'm sorry you have to go through this! I know there's gotta be a reason in there SOMEWHERE for your troubles, but that doesn't help you now, right? Hoping for a speedy process for you, and patience, and all the other things that come with challenged fertility;)

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  9. sending happy thoughts and prayers your way!

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  10. I am thinking of you, and wishing women, especially ones who make amazing mommas, like you, have to go through something like this. As we enter our first few months of working on starting our own family I cannot imagine anything so tough, and for that I find your strength amazing.

    Don't be so hard on yourself with your weight, I know that they say it is a huge factor, but stressed and not having self confidence cannot be great either. You make amazing, adorable, and perfect babies, and I am sure god has an amazing plan for you to have even more!

    Thinking of you always sweet girl!

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  11. I'm sorry friend. I hate those letters. I have them too and I know waiting is the absolute worst. hope your wait is over soon. Stay strong - you are an amazing mama!

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  12. I'm sorry to hear about your continued struggles with the cruel bitch that is PCOS. I have no doubt you're very educated on the topic, far more than I am. But if for some reason you're looking for more info, healthy/helpful tips my best friend also has PCOS. She also happens to be studying to be a nutritionist. Her wealth of knowledge astounds me. Anyway, you are a beautiful Momma and Crue is a lucky boy! Let me know if you would like her info just for shits and gigs.

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  13. love you LOTS my friend! I wish I had something profound to say. I'm praying for you and I know you will get through this stronger than before! xoxox

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  14. Hello,
    I've been a reader for a while and felt compelled to comment today. Thank you for sharing, your journey with PCOS. I too have PCOS, I was diagnosed at 18 and have often wondered if I could even have kids. But even not trying for kids(on my part) PCOS can be a real B. And I have trouble with weight too, I've been trying to lose weight since late April and haven't lost a damn pound.

    So just thank you, you give me hope for the future.

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  15. Sorry dear :( I feel for you! Hope Aunt Flo packs up and leaves town!

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  16. So sorry Sarah!!! I"m sending lots of hugs your way and saying some prayers for you!!!

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  17. I feel ya on the losing weight part, I have a thyroid issue so losing weight is no easy task and I agree it doesn't help when all of the bad food tastes so good. Plus it is so frustrating to workout and eat better and see no progress. It's like whats the point then. I hope things get moving for you soon

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  18. First, I will say thank you for this post. My fiance and I have started talking family planning for after our marriage (in August!!), and how we'll go about it knowing that I also have PCOS. I appreciate reading this from the point of another who also has it but was successful at getting pregnant. And I totally am with you on the weight issue. I ballooned just on my own - no baby here - and am working to slim a bit before we start trying. Thank you for sharing your journey with those of us who also struggle with PCOS.

    Always,
    Katy

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  19. Ugh. I have it too, and it totally sucks. I'm just starting my first cycle of IVF, and don't even dare to dream that having a baby would make it go away, though that would be amazing! At this point, I'll keep the PCOS if I can just have the baby :)

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  20. Friend, reading this makes me want to just reach through the computer screen and give you a big hug.
    Hang in there, beautiful. Your strong, your persistent, and you will make it through this time, too.
    Love you!

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  21. PCOS sounds awful. I have endo and it sucks too. I'm sorry, friend. Hugs!

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  22. *hugs* PCOS is evil, veerrrry evil. I'm sorry you're struggling but all I can suggest is to just keep positive, hun. I know it's hard but you WILL get there - both weight loss and a sibling for Mr. Crue. After 3 years of TTC with no success all I know is sometimes you just have to find joy in the journey. <3

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